Master of Puppets
Hi, I am Darren and Im an addict, alcoholic, and a fallible human being…
…just so we are on the same page lets make sure we make note of the recovering i.e. an ongoing process, expansion vs constriction.
Normal used to be crawling on the ground looking for a forgotten sliver of redemption, a speck of the insanity of my addiction to cocaine.The allure of the razor blade, soon took on a different meaning than for chopping the perfect line. The real puppet master controlling my strings, wasn’t the cocaine which was merely a solution to my problem, was lack of love and acceptance for myself.
I hated the fact I was an addict and alcoholic and was very angry… “This shouldn’t be happening to me”. I saw it as something hideous that I had to get rid of. It was arrogant on my part to think I could just “hate it away”, “shame the shit out of it”, and bury it deeper and deeper in the darkness of my shadows.Underneath the anger,hatred, and shame was a call for love.When you don’t have a lot of love for yourself you don’t need to keep smacking yourself with the anger and rejection stick.
Trust me when I tell you tell you that we are loveable,worthy, not BAD people, and we do recover. One of the first steps is to stop playing hide and seek with our dragons and demons. My dragons lurk in the darkness of my shadows.I will do everything and anything to hide these dragons not only from you but most importantly from myself. My dragons – shame / guilt / and blame can only be tamed once I learned self acceptance, forgiveness, and the love that is self… We are only as healthy as our darkest and deepest secrets. The hidden treasures are not found outside ourselves but are cultivated from within.
I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to each and every one out there, who has recognized the humanity and compassion in themselves, and has helped and guided me on my path of recovery.
Love and gratitude