The Art Of The Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwich
What do I have to do to get you to like me?
I know, I’ll fit in. I’ll say and do the right things, that make people like me. I’ll say yes, when I want to scream no.
I’ll laugh with the laugh track. I’ll point my finger with the rest of the mob. I’ll even cover my ass with what I say so I don’t attract any undo criticism. Do you have any idea what it’s like to play out all the scenarios in my mind of how someone might react? A1 no L10.Ok A1. No L10.
This week Battleship, two weeks ago Farkle. What are you 12? No, but at times I can act like a scared little kid. This is how acting like a scared little kid has gotten me into trouble with the most important person in my life ……ME.
Why Do I want you to like me ?
For the same reason that at times I am an uber control freak: safety and security. Trust me it’s pretty scary when I rip off that fuzzy, wuzzy, comfy blankie – even the duckies can’t save me. Safety and security for me have been synonymous with control. The more I can control the more safe and secure I think I will feel.
It seems like a pretty easy equation, the more I say yes; then the more people will like me. The more people who like me, the better I will feel about myself. This was happening long before Facebook was around.
This is the real kicker – the more that I please you, the more leverage I think it will give me. Notice that there is no mention of kindness, respect for another person (in fact complete disrespect), or even of the notion of giving without expecting anything in return. It’s all about what’s in it for me. What could I get from you. Isn’t that the art of negotiation: leverage.
I wanted you to validate me. Insecurity and not being able to validate myself has led to some pretty dysfunctional behaviours. And the nominees are….
- Being a doormat
- Settling for bread crumbs
- Choosing the safe and secure, who really wants to put themselves out there
- Choosing to let the toxic people stay in my life
- Trading my integrity and self worth for a pay check
- Playing the victim
- Pointing that judgemental finger
- Disrupting the flow of another human being with my insecurities. How did my shit become someone else’s problem?
My sense of security and comfort no longer need to be outsourced. I no longer feel the need to laugh with the laugh track, point my finger with the rest of the mob, and I have no problem saying NO.
No. NO. NO. NO. NO. Yes (hey I still slip back into old behaviours sometimes).
Here are a few ways that I have become the source of my own validation.
1. Starts with Me
I needed to change my limiting belief that I wasn’t worthy. How do I not show up to take care of myself. Look pointing the finger and playing the victim doesn’t work. I am responsible for how I feel about myself. It took a lot of strength to actually finally admit this to myself. Lately I have been doing a lot of energy clearings that are helping me replace those old outdated tapes.
2. Paying Attention to my Blind Spots
Fellow Triathlete and great guy Tom and I chatting about Comfort Zones
All the training was just another way for me to hide behind my insecurities. Just for the record it had nothing to do with Triathlon – it had everything to do with me. Just like the booze and the drugs, it was never about the booze or the coke – it was how was I masking that sense of unworthiness.
Disclaimer – they are called blind spots for a reason.
3. An object in Motion stays in Motion. An object at rest stays at rest
We need to do the reps. We can either train to stay inside the comfort zone or train to get out of the comfort zone. Just be for warned outside the comfort zone you will experience massive amounts of fear. If you don’t want any fear then stay in the comfort zone.
4. Support Crew
Plain and simple, I no longer make space in my life for toxic people. Be careful not to write people off to soon, some of them might surprise you. This is where self-awareness and mindfulness are so important. Are they toxic or is it our own insecurities and past hurts that’s doing the judging. Trust me you will know the difference (take it from me it’s O.K. to start trusting ourselves).
blankie ….. blankie ……. blankie
The flip side is that I have people on my support crew who will call me on my shit and will not just blow smoke up my ass.
5. The PB and Banana Sandwich
Make it any way that you like. I am no longer obsessed with covering my ass, so that other people will validate my sense of security and sense of self.
How do you still cover your ass under the comfy blankie?
30 DAY CHALLENGE TRAINING MANUAL
Being our best will not happen by chance; you need to take action.
This 30 day Challenge is all about taking action. It’s not easy to make the daily commitment to self; but then again what’s easy? That’s why we have laid out an easy to follow step by step action plan. Fitness is more then just the physical. The physical is the easy part, the real work is the emotional and spiritual fitness. Read more +